(Article inspired by Marlene Chapman)

I remember my dad saying this to one of my ex-boyfriends

"What are your INTENTIONS with my daughter?" 

What a question!  A question that after a moment of thought from both of us, made us realize that we were not right for each other.  Thanks Dad! In this fast paced world I do not think we are living in the moment or in the future.. I think we are constantly looking and talking about all that happened in the past which does not leave any time to really consider our intentions for our life. 

The word INTENTION seems to be a “catch word” as of late.

“What are your INTENTIONS with this project?”

“I am setting my INTENTIONS for 2010” or “I need to set my INTENTIONS”

Or my favorite

“It was not my INTENTION to hurt you”

I began to realize that INTENTION is a word that is being used a lot but as I thought more about the word; I was not even sure of the meaning or how to use in the proper manner.

My favorite thing to do when I question anything is to look up the meaning of the word in the dictionary.  That is done very easily nowadays by simply going to www.dictionary.com.  Sometimes the definitions of words get lost in our language and it is always nice to get a clear picture.

in⋅ten⋅tion
–noun
1.    an act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result.
2.    the end or object intended; purpose.

What words stood out to me in the definition were Action, Result and End.  I never thought to look at INTENTION in that way – I actually always looked at setting an INTENTION as the beginning point, not the end.  INTENTION is about what you want in the END, the end result, the purpose. 

First off let’s look at my favorite, the flip side of using the word INTENTION:

“It was not my INTENTION to hurt you.”

I do not think there is any “normal” person on this earth that sets out to intentionally hurt another person.  Here is the thing though, when we are upset we rarely think of the end result.  If we are angry we want to blast the other person, unload our feelings and defend ourselves.  We truly are in the moment in many ways. When we are defending, we are usually attacking the other person. When we are in this mode, intention is the last thing on our mind.

While being hurt, upset or angry, this is the time to ask:

“What is the end result I want to see in this situation?”

If you truly look at the end result, I bet you would not be defending yourself or attacking the other person.  It is a different way to look at things.  This does not mean we do not express ourselves when we are upset or angry but there is a way to communicate our feelings without doing it in a manner where you are blaming, shaming or putting other’s down.   Besides you are never mad at what you think you are mad at - it is deeper than that.  But that is a whole other blog post! Take responsibility for your feelings and move through them in an intentional manner – for a result and a healthy ending.

Then there is a whole other aspect of SECRET INTENTIONS. Oh yes there is such a thing and most times we are not aware of them but we will be able to see them by looking at previous LOUD repeating patterns.  It is a little trickier, after all, they are SECRET but once you become aware, it is hard to ignore them.  I think friends / family are probably very good at pointing them out. If someone does point out the reason why they think you are doing what you are doing (secret intention), and it hurts you… You know that twinge or the punch in the stomach type of feeling.. Well I hate to tell you this BUT they are RIGHT.

I remember when I would fall down and hurt myself when I was younger and I would say:

“Mom, it hurts when I do this”

My mom would quickly reply: “Then don’t do that.”

Man that made me mad! Why?  Because secretly I was hurting myself to get attention. Sure I was too young to recognize that, but now it is blaringly obvious that I have used sickness in my life to gain attention from my family but secretly I really hated people feeling sorry for me and had a hard time receiving love and support! Quite the dichotomy I created.  I hurt myself for attention and then tell everyone I wanted to be alone! Wow, the things we do! 

Marlene Chapman has a gift for uncovering the unseen and has brought this whole concept to light.  Most times we are not aware of the secret intentions that we are holding.  I think of them as the TRUE motivators for what we do, what we do.  Yes it may be a little harder to uncover them but they are there.  When they are uncovered it is OBVIOUS though and sometimes a little insane.  It is ok, we all have them.

You can usually see what the SECRET INTENTION is by looking at your past.  Dig a little deeper and really ask what motivated you to make the choice to begin with.   

What really attracted you to the situation?  Why is this happening to you?  What is your part? and my favorite "When have you felt like this before or been in a similar situation?"

When things go wrong, look at the deeper motivators – they are there – just ask to see them.

It is not that the SECRET INTENTIONS are wrong, if anything, it will uncover perhaps what you need to be doing.  They will indicate the areas in which you need to set CLEAR INTENTIONS.  After all, there is nothing wrong with getting clear.

For the past while I have been going through some transformation that has been painful.  Marlene immediately asked me:

“Why is this happening to you? What is your part?  Do you think you had secret intentions as to what you wanted to happen?”

Every day I AM GRATEFUL for her, her insight and the manner in which she can uncover the deep dark stuff in a loving manner.

If I look at my previous patterns I have been attracted to people in the public eye / media.  Yes friendships and business partnerships have naturally developed over time, and even at times I am sure by me being pushy!  But there was something going on underneath....  Secretly I wanted to be those people in the interviewer/media seat.  Secretly and unconsciously I have been looking at ways to be involved in media.  On many levels I doubted my skills and because I never had formal training, I did not think I could go the conventional route.  So I would DO or BE anything that would get me attention and I could be interviewed through radio, TV or print.   Now that I look at it, it is no different of a pattern from when I was little and would get sick to get attention from my mom.   Actually now that I think of it, I had cancer over 5 years ago and have had major media attention over this and even turned it into a keynote speaking career!

I am sure, in our media saturated society, many people feel this need to be “famous”.  For me it has not so much been about fame as it has been a way for me to express my creativity but hey I am not going to lie, even in this breath, I know I love attention!  I love media, I love technology and I love to talk!  One of my favorite memories was when I was young, sitting in my room with a tape recorder and radio pretending to be a radio DJ.  I have been fascinated with that medium of communication for years.

What I have struggled with now with this new realization, is does this mean that everything I have been doing in the past few years been all for nothing?

Does it mean the relationships that developed are meaningless? 

Does this mean that I am not suppose to be in media?

NO, NO and No.

What this does mean is that I need to look at the manners in which I have gone about it in the past few years.  Recognize that there are parts of me that want this, but I need to be authentically ME in order to succeed.  I do not need to be sick or anything else to be involved in media – I just need to be ME! What is the END result I really want? Yes media is the perfect place for me to be BUT I need to get in touch with who I am so I can show the world an accurate representation.  What is even more perfect is that this too, my past, will be apart of my story of inspiring others in a positive way.  

What is the quickest way to get clear?  Ask yourself questions! Question, question, question.

What do I want?

What do I love?

What am I good at?

What would I wake up every morning for?

Why do I want it?

More importantly.. Who am I and what do I believe?

Just get real with yourself and dig deeper.  When you set, clear, attainable and measurable intentions, it gives you direction.  Yes INTENTIONS are set at the beginning of the process but they are meant for you to have clear end results. You will be able to feel it is right when you do it out of a place of love, realness and openness.  There will be no more questioning because you are CLEAR. When you are clear with your intentions, you know where you are going so it is easier to say "NO" to things that would distract you from your path.  Take it from me, I have been wandering for years, getting involved with many projects all because I was not clear and operating in an unconscious state at times. 

Nothing happens by accident and even though those SECRET INTENTIONS can sneak up on you, it is merely an opportunity to evaluate if you are really doing or involved in what you love.  There is always a gift in anything you choose, even if it goes wrong.

I may have had SECRET INTENTIONS in creating my business because secretly I saw an opportunity to get attention from media through interviews etc.  BUT I do not regret it for a moment.  I have learned more about myself, friendships, business and what I am good at (and not so good at)!  I have gained not just friends but people I consider to be family.   I look at all of this as the base and next steps for the information I need.  It all has purpose and not only did I get to learn from some of the best people in the business; I have created sustainable friendships.  Not a bad deal even when I created it out of a “SECRET INTENTION”.  Sometimes secrets are not so bad!

I am brought back to what Marlene said to me in her infinite wisdom

“It does not matter what path you choose, each path will bring you to the same place.”  

So set your intention; your end result. Be clear, start walking the path and most of all enjoy the ride!